An open letter…
I thought this issue had been addressed years ago, when I introduced my first girlfriend. However, apparently, there’s either been a break in communication… or some of you just have your heads shoved so far up your asses for almost the entire past decade and you’re just coming up for air. Anyways.
If my father, who is a Southern Baptist preacher, can accept the fact I’m gay and still love me (why yes… I’ve taken some of my girlfriends/FtM partners to church services with him) and my mother who is… well my mother… I think the rest of you need a serious reality check… Today, I’m the one who is going to give it.
For most of you, your only exposure to the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) community is through the media or through your church. The media has actually gotten better about things. The church? Well, it depends on who you ask. Some churches out there are GLBT friendly, some simply tolerate them, and others teach that you’re going to hell. Every church has it’s own opinion. Oh… and newsflash… Some of the churches out there are ran by GLBT pastors. Just sayin. Oh, and grab your bibles for one moment…
“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned, forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.” ~Luke 6:37~
If ALL sin is the same in Gods eyes, then while you sit there and judge me for being gay, condemn to hell, etc… I hate to say it, but you’re going to be sitting right there beside mw in the very same hell you’ve sentenced me to.
Anyways… Let’s keep going… There are many misconceptions about being GLBT… Let’s talk about them, shall we?
- Being gay is just a phase- Tell that to the thousands of GLBT folks out there who have been in relationships for 1, 2, 3, 4, or more decades. I promise you, that the “it’s a phase” thing doesn’t always hold true. Yes, some people will experiment and decide it’s not for them. Others will become that way… Some are just “born” that way. Whatever it is… the whole “phase” thing you keep spouting has gotten old.
- Lesbian women/Gay men recruit others into their lifestyle- This is not the military folks. There are plenty lesbians/gays in the world already, so recruitment really is not necessary. It is also NOT true that we get a toaster, tshirt, new kitchen collection, or whatever for every so many that we recruit/turn… See above… Recruitment is not necessary!
- Lesbians just haven’t met the right man/gays just haven’t met the right woman- Maybe the reverse is true for straight people… Maybe they just haven’t met the right partner of their gender yet… See how STUPID this looks?
- All lesbians hate men- Granted, it’s very true even some straight women are sick of men, but this attitude is not a characteristic of all lesbians. Just because lesbians are sexually and emotionally attracted to women, doesn’t mean they hate or even dislike men. In fact, many lesbians love men.
- All lesbians have short hair and look like men- *looks into the mirror* My hair goes midway down my back. I wear makeup, skirts, dresses, and heels. The absolute LAST thing I look like is a man. Stop with the stereotyping already.
- Someone/something made them gay- Studies have shown that being gay is not directly related to one’s environment. Many mothers say they regret having been too close to their sons or not close enough to their daughters, believing that is what “made” them gay. The truth is, their relationship with their child had little or nothing at all to do with their sexual orientation. Research continues to explore the source of homosexuality, but blaming oneself or environment is not the answer. Besides, being gay is not a disease.
- Gays and lesbians are promiscuous- The GLBT crowd is no more or less promiscuous than heterosexuals. Just like heterosexuals, gays and lesbians can have monogamous relationships, be celibate or have multiple partners. Newsflash… Heterosexuals also cheat on their partners, cause pain to their partners, and so on. It’s NOT just a gay thing!
- Gays and lesbians are all about sex- Here’s a news flash: The GLBT crowd is no more and no less sexually active than heterosexuals.
- Gays are more likely to be child abusers/rapists- Don’t even get me started. Everyone who raped/abused me as a young child was a heterosexual male. Just saying.
- Gays parents will make gay kids- So what happened to all the straight people having only straight kids? Last time I checked, straight people have gay kids too. There are no significant differences between kids with gay parents and kids with straight parents on a variety of psychological measures, including gender-roles, self-esteem, and more.
- Gay marriage will destroy society as a whole- This is also what they said about electricity, nuclear power, women voting, interracial marriage and democracy.
Ok, so that’s enough of that.
I’ll be honest folks, and say that I’ve met dozens, if not hundreds of gay people, my age and older. There is almost always the common desire to build long-term relationships, just as with most straight people. At the absolute very least, I can make this statement based on my own, personal desire. You may see inherent contradiction or irony in the following statement, or it may be hard for you to believe, but someday I hope to be in a fulfilling, happy, wholesome, life-long relationship with a woman that I love — and to me, that desire does not seem in any way wrong.
Yes, it’s very true that I strictly date those who are labeled “Butch” or “FtM”. In some cases, I’ve dated FtMs who have been on hormone therapy for years, legally changed their names, and so on. Some of you will remember when I dated one particular person. Yes, family & friends, that person is an FtM, and a legally identified male in the eyes of the courts. You welcomed him into your homes and hearts… But I wonder now, if knowing would have made things different. In the end though, please don’t expect me to introduce you to my partners/friends and label them. There is no way I’m going to say to you “This is so and so, she’s butch, and still goes by so and so” or “This is lo lo, he’s an FtM, and though his name was so so, he’s legally changed his name to lo lo and prefers to go by lo lo” or even “This is Jonie, she’s a stone butch, but she prefers to go by Jo… It’s okay if you call her a he, she doesn’t mind” . Forget it. Not happening. Just accept my partner as they are, don’t ask questions, and keep moving forward.
Ahhh… So much rambling going on here. In the end, what it boils down to… Either accept me as who I am, or don’t. The delete button on friendships and family isn’t a hard thing for me. I promise you that. I have absolutely no problem simply removing you from my life and keeping on moving. Sure, for a time you’ll be missed, but you know what… I’ll get over it and move on. I’ll think of you around your birthday and holidays…
But life… will… go… on.
So go ahead… Threaten me again with “if you don’t change your ways I won’t be your friend/I’ll disown you as family.” Make one more snide remark about how I deserve to be emotionally/mentally/physically/whatever hurt because I’m gay… I’m almost begging for you to give me a reason to completely remove you from my life. Do it. Please. Just get it over with already!
That being said… to the friends and family who love me just as I am… Thank you… I love you too! Thank you for being supportive, kind, caring, and everything in between. Being gay isn’t always easy, even in this day and age. Then again, it’s not the end of the world either .